Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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