...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I supernannyed him into submission
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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