i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
