I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
