So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
