I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
