Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
