Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
time to smoke my breakfast
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
