So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
