Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
