Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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