We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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