just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
