That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
