the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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