My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize