I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i believe in u and ur pee
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
