the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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