You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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