also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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