I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
