I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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