Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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