I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
