Pappa wants mamma naked
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
