I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
