if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize