Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
