Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
