Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
