I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
