no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
