i just had sex bonerless
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
