so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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