dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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