lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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