The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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