So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
