Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
