You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
