Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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