honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
