If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
