why didn't you poke me back
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
