How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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