Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize