it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
