I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
