WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
