My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
