I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
