Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
