I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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