found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
