But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I looked at my own cervix.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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