Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
