I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I came so hard my ears popped.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
