i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
