Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
