I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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