My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
