Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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