**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
