It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
