Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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