Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
